Jan 28, 2010

Take Time To Laugh


To be successful as a writer, one spends endless hours in front of the screen between reading and sending emails, social networking, blog posts, and our manuscripts – all of which are very essential. But from time to time, we also need to raise our heads and have a good laugh. With that in mind, grab a cuppa, take a break, and enjoy the following – I did.
So funny - I still have tears in my eyes


A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass, he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, 'When I am worried about getting nervous on the
pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to
get nervous,I take a sip.'

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of
the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up
a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following
note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12..

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy,
Junior and the spook.

8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't
say he was stoned off his ass.

10) We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'

11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, 'Take this
and eat it for this is my body.' He did not say 'Eat me.'

12) The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry.'

13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks
for the grub, Yeah God.

14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's
not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Best of luck next Sunday father.

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